The LEGO Batman Movie Junior Novel Page 6

  The Flash hurried over. “Great, Batman’s here!” He handed Batman a phone, and then motioned for the Justice League to huddle in close for a photo. “Can you take a photo of all of us?”

  “Of all … you guys?” said Batman. “Uh, sure …”

  “Thanks, man!” said The Flash, rushing into the frame. “Everyone, say ‘SUPER FRIENDS’!”

  “SUPER FRIENDS!” the members of the Justice League chorused as Batman took the shot.

  “Let me see!” said The Flash. “Great! We got everyone! Thanks, Batman!”

  “Uh, sure, no problem,” Batman replied.

  Meanwhile, young Dick Grayson was busy wriggling through the narrow space of the vent. He crawled ahead at a steady pace until he reached a hole that he could see through.

  “Bat-Dad? Bat-Dad?” Dick said into his comm.

  Batman touched the communication device on his ear. “Yeah?”

  “If I’m going to be a Super Hero and go on awesome Super Hero missions like this one, can we use code names?” Dick asked.

  “Let me see … no,” said Batman flatly.

  “Mine can be Robin!” said Dick eagerly.

  “As in, the small, midwestern, frail bird?” Batman asked.

  “Yeah, and I already have a catchphrase,” Dick said cheerfully. “You ready? ‘Tweet tweet on the street.’”

  “Hard pass,” said Batman.

  “And a song!” Dick said, zipping down a chute. “Fly, Robin, Fly!” he sang.

  “Harder pass,” said Batman.

  Dick crawled out of the vent and entered a room deep inside the Fortress of Solitude. He jumped and flipped through the various booby traps, making it to a tunnel on the other side. Then he stopped short.

  Laser beams crisscrossed the tunnel. Not even a mosquito could get through without tripping the alarm.

  “Dad, I can see the target, but there’s some kind of laser energy thing that I can’t get through,” Dick said.

  “Okay, I’ll see if I can shut it off,” Batman replied. “But I’m going to have to make up an excuse in order to leave the party without anybody noticing …”

  Batman stood alone on the edge of the room. All around him, there were people dancing, but no one seemed to notice him. He slid his back along the wall until he got to the door. “Bye,” Batman said, ducking out.

  Stealthily the Caped Crusader made his way through the fortress’s long hallways to the Knowledge Crystal Room. According to Computer, he’d be able to deactivate the laser-beam blockade there so Dick could access the Atomic Cauldron. The crystals were powering the beams that protected the tunnel.

  Batman rushed over to the ring of crystals and considered the collection of gems, uncertain which one would do the trick. He selected one and held it up to the light.

  “Tell me when the lasers are off, all right?” he directed Dick. Then he tossed the first crystal to the ground. It shattered into a thousand pieces.

  “Now?” Batman asked.

  “No,” replied Dick.

  “Now?” Batman asked, hurling another brilliant crystal to the ground.

  “No,” said Dick.

  “How ’bout now?” Batman started to juggle them, and one dropped.

  “Not quite,” Dick answered.

  “Darn it, it’s gotta be one of these,” Batman said, throwing them left and right. “Is it this one? Or this one?” When he tossed the last crystal, the laser beams turned off.

  “Oh my gosh! You did it, Padre!” Dick exclaimed. “It’s off!”

  “Okay, now you’ve got to make your way through that obstacle course to the Atomic Cauldron. We need that Phantom Zone Projector.”

  “Ten-four,” replied Dick.

  “Now do everything I say,” said Batman. He pulled up a video comm link on his wrist. It let him see everything Dick was doing. “Jump!”

  Dick jumped from his platform, heading toward the Atomic Cauldron.

  “Hold on. Do a front flip,” Batman demanded.

  Dick did as his new dad asked.

  Batman barked a series of orders as Dick made his way through the deathly obstacle course. Obviously, Superman wasn’t messing around. The Phantom Zone Projector was as tightly guarded as the top tech company’s next phone upgrade.

  But Dick was undaunted. The boy proceeded to do perilous acrobatic tasks, skirting booby traps on the left and then the right and then right in front of him.

  “Do a backflip. Triple axel. Plié. Relevé. Jeté,” Batman ordered.

  Each time Batman barked out a command, Dick sprinted, dove, and contorted himself with absolute perfection. He was getting closer to the Atomic Cauldron.

  “Pythagorean theorem,” Batman said.

  “A-squared plus B-squared equals C-squared,” Dick answered.

  “Physicalize it!” Batman demanded.

  Dick did his best to illustrate the triangular theorem with his very nimble body.

  “Great listening!” Batman said. “Jump! Hold! Hold! Now jump!”

  Dick jumped, held, held, and jumped! He darted across a spinning cage and leaped through an opening. “Fly, Robin, Fly!” he sang as he jumped.

  Dick sped through a long hallway, swinging and twisting his way past razor-sharp claws and other ominous-looking obstacles. Finally he was close enough to grab the projector! “Wooo-hooo!” he exclaimed. “I’ve got the projector, Dad!”

  Batman clenched his fist in triumph. “Boo-yah!” he cried.

  He headed back through the halls of the Fortress of Solitude. He returned to the party undetected. He walked casually through the room, expecting someone to approach him. But he sauntered through the groovin’ group without anyone noticing. He made his way to the front door, slipped out, and met Dick by the Batwing.

  “We did it!” crowed Dick, who’d had to crawl back through the cramped vent, this time carrying the bulky projector. His voice was full of pride. “We did it! How’d I do?”

  “I don’t know to describe this feeling,” Batman began, “but watching you … out there … seeing this whole thing through your eyes … well, it just made me feel so proud,” he paused, “of myself.”

  “Oh, you’re such a great dad!” Dick said with genuine affection. He put his arms out and took a big step toward Batman.

  Batman pressed his hand against the boy’s forehead to stop him.

  “What are you doing?” Batman inquired.

  “I’m trying to give you a big ol’ hug,” Dick explained. “That’s how I hug all my buddies at the orphanage.”

  “You know what?” said Batman. “You just reminded me of something very important when you said that word.”

  “What word, hug?” Dick asked.

  “Nope,” said Batman. “Orphanage. Now hop in.”

  And together, Batman and Robin took off in the Batwing.

  Ten minutes later, the Batwing was circling above the orphanage.

  Batman hit the brakes, and the Batwing screeched to a stop. Batman popped open the cockpit.

  “Well, this is you,” he said with forced cheerfulness. “The ol’ orphanage.”

  “Oh,” said Dick sadly. “I guess this can only mean one thing.” He took a step out onto the wing.

  “Yeah,” said Batman.

  “I’m getting a brother?” said Dick hopefully.

  “Uh, no,” said Batman.

  “A sister?” Dick said, his voice as chipper as could be.

  Batman took a deep breath. “No, it means that, um … kid, sometimes, in this world, you’ve got to accept—”

  Batman looked down into Dick’s eyes. The kid was gazing up at him, his eyes glistening with hope and adoration.

  “You’ve got to accept that sometimes …” Batman tried to go on. “That sometimes … you’ve got to check your grappling gun!” he finished. He quickly aimed a hook at Dick, pulling him back into the cockpit.

  “Woo-hoo!” cheered Dick.

  “Yeah. Totally works,” said Batman. “Okay. Good.” He handed the Phantom Zone Projector back to Dick
. Then he kicked the Batwing into gear again and headed for Arkham Asylum.

  Arkham Asylum was no ordinary prison. It was where the police sent the baddest of the baddies. Arkham Asylum housed the most evil criminal masterminds.

  The building was a spookfest. With its Gothic spires and rickety iron gate, it looked like a haunted house that had been condemned because it was too scary.

  As he and Batman dashed up the asylum’s front steps, Dick looked up at the building and shuddered. He tightened his grip on the Phantom Zone Projector.

  “C’mon, kid,” Batman said.

  Just as they reached the main entrance, Barbara Gordon stepped out. “Batman … ,” she said in surprise.

  “Barbara! Hey there,” said Batman. “Look at you.”

  “Who’s this?” she asked, indicating Dick.

  “Hi, Ms. Gordon!” Dick said, waving cheerfully.

  “Is that your son?” Barbara asked.

  “Yes, I am!” Dick answered quickly.

  “No! That’s just weird,” Batman said.

  “It’s weirder if he’s not your son,” Barbara pointed out.

  “Right,” said Batman hurriedly.

  “Batman,” said Barbara.

  “Yes?” said Batman.

  “Why is your not-son trying to smuggle the Phantom Zone Projector into Arkham Asylum?”

  “Um, Barbara, look out!” With that, Batman threw a smoke bomb. “Go, go, head for the elevator, now!” he hissed to Dick. He grabbed his not-son’s hand and together they sprinted past the guards into the asylum.

  Barbara coughed and waved smoke away from her face. “Guards! Code Red,” she shouted into her walkie-talkie. “Batman and his child accomplice are trying to infiltrate the Joker’s cell!”

  “Copy that, Commissioner,” was the response.

  Inside, the loudspeaker crackled to life. “Attention all inmates! We’re on high alert. Return to your cells immediately!”

  One inmate was happy to hear this announcement. “Hee, hee, hee, hee, hee,” the Joker giggled to himself. He was sitting in his cell, twiddling his thumbs. His plan was coming together. Even he was surprised at just how cunning he could be.

  Batman was coming for him. And the Joker was willing to bet not on black, but on the fact that Batman would be bringing the Phantom Zone Projector with him.

  Batman and Dick raced through the asylum before dive-rolling into the elevator. When Batman looked over his shoulder, he saw Barbara Gordon and her best officers charging after them.

  “Seal off the perimeter!” Barbara cried.

  “Yes, ma’am!” replied a guard.

  Batman punched the CLOSE DOOR button, and they headed for the cellblocks.

  On the ground floor, a small team of guards was waiting for them. They had their weapons aimed at the elevator doors.

  When the elevator clanked to a stop and the doors opened, smoke spilled into the hallway.

  “Freeze! Stop! Put your hands up!” demanded the guards.

  But when the smoke cleared, no one was there.

  “What?” the guards gasped as they stepped in the elevator, mystified.

  “Ceiling drop!” Batman yelled as he and Dick dropped from above, knocking over everyone below.

  Batman brushed the dust from the smoke bomb off his sleeves. “I can’t believe you guys still don’t check the ceiling,” he said, shaking his head.

  “But Dad,” Dick paused to ask, “why are those guards chasing us?”

  “It’s a training exercise,” Batman explained. “These guys are my bros. Go ahead and take a couple of them out.”

  As he spoke, a new team of guards rushed at them from the other end of the hallway. Batman threw Batarangs at a few of them.

  “Hey, Frank!” he called out in a friendly fashion. “Good catch, Barney!” he cheered as he punched another in the jaw. The guard crumpled to the ground.

  Dick decided to give it a try. “You want a piece of me, Bill?” he demanded, taking out a guard.

  “See? They’re all cool with it,” Batman told Dick. “Let’s go!”

  Together Batman and Dick headed for the Joker’s cell.

  Batman spotted the Joker’s bright-green shock of hair from across the cellblock. But the Joker was disappearing—behind a cell door. The doors were just inches from locking, and Batman was a hundred feet away.

  With a snap of his wrist, Batman flung a Batarang across the cellblock. The Batarang wedged its way into the door just before the lock latched, jamming it open.

  Batman swung across the divide with a grappling hook, landing right in front of the Joker’s cell.

  “’Sup, Joker,” he greeted the villain.

  “Hi, Bats,” said the Joker cheerfully. “What brings you to Arkham Asylum?”

  “Cut the baloney,” Batman said. “I’m here for you!”

  “You sure did go to a LOT of trouble for little old me,” said the Joker coyly.

  Batman nodded. When he spoke, his voice took on an official tone, as if he were a bailiff in a court of law. “All rise. The case of Bat versus Joke is now in sesh.” He leaned in like a lawyer. “So let me ask you something right off the ‘bat.’ Are you up to something?”

  “Yes, I am,” the Joker admitted.

  “Case closed,” Batman said grimly. “I hereby sentence you to be shot up into the Phantom Zone!”

  Barbara Gordon was closing in on Batman. She reached the cellblock floor just in time to hear Batman’s last words. “Oh no!” she cried. She couldn’t believe it. She couldn’t believe Batman would go against her and the police like this.

  “Ooh, the Phantom Zone,” the Joker said, his voice dripping with drama. “Puh-leeaaase! Don’t banish me to that notorious space prison that houses all the universe’s greatest villains!”

  “That’s it! That’s his plan!” cried Barbara.

  Batman lifted the Phantom Zone Projector and took aim at the Joker. “You’re about to get served … your sentence.”

  “Batman, don’t do it!” Barbara yelled, but it didn’t matter. Batman’s mind was made up.

  “Case dismissed,” Batman said, making sure the projector was properly lined up.

  When he pulled the trigger, the projector shot out a laser blast so strong it threw him backward. The beam shot across the cell and straight at the Joker, zapping the green-haired goon with a blinding burst of energy. There was a sound like thunder and several blasts of hot white light.

  “Whhhoooaaaa!” yelled the Joker, his shrill voice fading away.

  When the light cleared, the Joker was gone.

  Batman felt a rush of victory. He threw black confetti over his head and blew a party horn in celebration. “Yeah, that’s what I call saving the city again!” he crowed.

  “You are an inspiration!” said Dick.

  Batman and Dick danced with joy until …

  CLANK!

  Barbara Gordon slammed the cell door shut and locked it—with Batman inside!

  “Batman, I can’t believe you did this,” said Barbara.

  “You’re welcome,” said Batman.

  “And even worse, you’ve made this kid an accessory to your crime,” she said, shaking her head. She locked Dick into the cell next to Batman’s. “Sorry, kid.”

  “That’s okay,” said Dick. “As long as I’m doing time in the big house with my old man, everything is going to be A-OK.”

  “May I request solitary confinement?” asked Batman.

  Barbara Gordon took the Phantom Zone Projector from his grasp. “Officer, take this to the evidence locker room,” she said, handing off the device to a security guard. “Keep it under twenty-four-hour armed guard until we can figure out how to get the Joker back.”

  “No problem, ma’am,” the guard replied.

  “Barbara, I just put the Joker in the one place where he can’t do any more harm,” Batman insisted.

  “Yeah, but what if I’m right? What if you just gave the Joker exactly what he wanted?” Barbara replied.

  “That
is ridiculous,” said Batman. “Why would anyone want to go to the Phantom Zone?”

  Meanwhile, the Joker discovered he wasn’t in Gotham City anymore. He was flying through a weird, space-like tunnel. It twisted and turned and seemed to go on far longer than possible. But at last, he landed. “Whoa!” he exclaimed.

  “Welcome, super-villain!” said a stern voice. The voice belonged to the warden of the Phantom Zone. He was squat and looked oddly like a traffic light.

  The Joker grinned. “Super-villain. That’s good. This guy gets me,” he said under his breath.

  “What’s your name?” asked the warden.

  “It’s the Joker.”

  “Great. Here’s your toothbrush and cot,” the warden said, placing a toothbrush in the Joker’s hand. “Do yourself a favor and find a good place to sleep, because you’re going to be here for the rest of eternity. Bye.” Then the warden was gone.

  “Hey, take a look at the new guy,” came a deep, dark voice from the shadows.

  “I guess they’ll just let anybody in here,” said another.

  “What? Are you serious? I’m the Joker. I’m the baddest bad guy in Gotham City,” the Joker insisted, looking around at the nastiest monsters and no-good evil meanies he’d ever seen. These were the other inmates of the Phantom Zone, and they had “villain” written all over them. Scales, claws, drool, red eyes, icky smells, and downright nasty expressions.

  “You don’t look like a bad guy,” growled one monster. “You look like an eggplant.”

  The other villains exploded in laughter, but the Joker was not daunted.

  “Oh, eggplant. You’re talking about me because of the green and purple … that’s a good joke.” The Joker chuckled. “Sorry, I’m just so FIRED UP about being here! I mean, you’ve got evil wizards; you have wicked witches; and, oh my, dragon beasts. I am such a geek for you all! I love your rampaging. And, since I’m here, maybe I can get some advice on how to defeat Batman.”

  “What is a Batman?” asked one villain.

  “Batman is a pretentious guy who dresses up like a bat, and he’s my greatest enemy. Well, I know he is, but he won’t admit it,” the Joker explained.

  The villains listened closely. They murmured in agreement.