The LEGO Batman Movie Junior Novel Read online

  “Start throwing me bricks!” Batman directed. “I need a four-by-six. Come on, quick.”

  Batman used his lightning-quick reflexes to place brick after brick with precision. The others watched in awe of his brilliant brick instincts and started to help, trying to keep up.

  “A two-by-four, two-by-four,” Barbara murmured.

  “I need an elbow piece. I need a tile,” Batman said, half talking to himself.

  “Whoa, whoa, whoa, AHHH!” Dick exclaimed as the plan started to come together. Batman was building a new Batwing!

  But an army of Rogues soon appeared on the horizon. The street below them began to vibrate as the army approached.

  “Get in!” Batman cried, still placing bricks. Alfred, Barbara, and Dick all scrambled in as the Batwing began to lift off. Batman was seated in the cockpit.

  “Woo! Great MasterBuilding, huh, Batman?” he said, patting himself on the back. “How are you guys feeling? Super comfortable and impressed?” Batman asked as the other three attempted to cram themselves into the tiny cockpit.

  “Not really. Why’d you build this thing with only one seat?” Barbara asked.

  “All official Bat-vehicles have one seat. Read the sign,” Batman said, pointing.

  NO COPILOTS read the sign on the dashboard.

  Right now, Barbara would have settled for being a comfortable passenger. Dick was curled up in her lap and Alfred’s elbow was in her face as they skimmed over the heads of the Rogue army.

  “Now contort yourselves into impossible angles and enjoy the ride to Wayne Manor,” Batman instructed. He pushed a few buttons and accessed Computer through the cockpit’s control panel.

  “Searching the route to Wayne Manor,” Computer said, gliding over a wooded stretch of a city park. “We’ve got more Rogues up ahead—all the way up to Twenty-Sixth Street. They are everywhere. Also, sir, I have some bad news.”

  As the Batwing rose into the sky, a large neon amusement park appeared in the distance. Batman frowned. He didn’t remember anything that looked like a cheap overgrown carnival in that part of town before.

  But it wasn’t an amusement park at all. It was Wayne Manor! The Joker had made some “improvements.”

  “What??” Batman stammered. “What have you done? Wayne Manor, my beautiful mansion on an island?!”

  Batman flew closer for a better look. He winced as he saw Joker’s Rogues pushing his fabulous cars—convertibles, roadsters, pickup trucks, and more—into the river.

  And it kept getting worse. The Rogues had not only destroyed Wayne Manor, they had also discovered the secret entrance to the Batcave. Batman’s heart sank when he saw Rogues driving all the great Bat-vehicles right out of the secret tunnel to the Batcave.

  The Batwing. The Bat Zeppelin. The Batcycle. The Bat Kayak. The Bat-Sub. The Bat Dune Buggy.

  “That’s all my stuff!” Batman yelled.

  “We’re in big trouble now,” said Barbara with a sigh.

  “I know. They’re going to mess with my radio presets,” Batman worried.

  Inside Wayne Manor, the Joker was in his element. “Hahahahaha! Now I know where you get your cool gadgets,” he cackled with glee. “And I’m going to use them against you!”

  As Batman’s Batwing flew past, a host of vehicles bombarded it. From the air, from the ground, from the water, they took aim. It took Batman’s most strategic flying to dodge the barrage. The Rogues aimed all their fire at the new Batwing. And they sent drones in close to land on the wings and cut wires and cause mayhem.

  Aboard the Bat Zeppelin, Two-Face took his time. He waited for the right moment to shoot the first heat-seeking missile. He flipped a coin. “Now!” he yelled, and his minion fired away. “And again!”

  The Joker and Harley Quinn enjoyed their role as spectators. “This is so much better than tennis,” the Joker said.

  Inside the crowded Batwing cockpit, Batman’s team had reason to worry. Computer began to issue warnings, her commanding voice promising impending doom. “Warning!” Computer said. “Missiles locked. Warning! Missiles locked. Warning!”

  “Okay, this just got real,” Batman murmured as he tried to avoid a direct hit.

  “Warning,” Computer continued. “Impact imminent!”

  Computer was right. The Batwing was hit! “Engine two malfunction!” Computer announced as Batman struggled to keep the Batwing in the air.

  The Joker laughed uncontrollably, slapping his hand on his knee as if he’d just heard a great joke.

  “Warning. Engine Three fail. Warning. Engine Four fail.” Computer just kept the good news coming.

  “We can’t hold them off much longer,” Barbara Gordon declared, seeing the team of armored vehicles gunning for them.

  “I’ve got this under control,” Batman insisted.

  “Don’t worry, Batman. I’m a pilot. I’ll fly the Batwing. You fix the engine,” suggested Barbara.

  “It’s all good, Babs,” Batman replied. “I’ve got my autopilot on.” He used a piece of rope to fasten the controls into the right position.

  “Autopilot?” said Barbara. “That’s just a rope!”

  “Exactly,” said Batman. “And until I get back, the rope’s in charge. Now strap on your seat belts!”

  “Where are the seat belts?” Barbara asked as Batman crawled out onto the wing.

  “Life doesn’t give you seat belts!” Dick replied. “That’s Bat-Dad’s lesson number one!”

  Out on the wing, Batman began to build. But he also had to duck to avoid the drones that were whizzing in from all directions. “Get off me!” he cried.

  “Come on, Master Dick, we need to help him!” Alfred said, handing him a sack of Batarangs.

  “I’m with you, Grandpa!” Dick replied.

  Alfred and Dick opened the cockpit hatch to a rush of wind. They climbed out on the wings and whipped Batarangs in every direction. Incoming drones began to fall from the sky as Batman kept rebuilding the engines.

  “Get off my dad!” Dick cried.

  “Unhand him, you animatronic fiends!” Alfred cried.

  “What are you two doing out here!” Batman yelled. “Kid, you disobeyed me! You’re on a time-out!”

  “No, you’re on a time-out, sir!” Alfred retorted.

  “I am not on a time-out!” Batman cried.

  “Yes, you are!”

  “Un-time-out me RIGHT NOW!” Batman cried.

  “Not until you un-time-out Master Dick!” Alfred called.

  “Guys, you’re all un-time-out-ed, we have incoming!” yelled Barbara from inside the cockpit.

  “Okay, everyone, time-out off!” Batman cried.

  “Woo-hoo!” cried Dick. “I’ve been parented!”

  But his celebration was short-lived, because missiles were zooming toward them.

  Both Dick and Alfred ducked, but just then the Batwing swerved violently, and they were thrown off-balance.

  “Help!” Dick yelled as he hung on by his fingertips.

  Alfred wasn’t any better off. He was clutching the dome of the cockpit with one hand.

  “Dick! Alfred!” Batman cried, not sure who to save first.

  “Batman, I can help you!” cried Barbara.

  “No! You protect the rope,” Batman said. “I can save them both!”

  “The rope is fine,” said Barbara desperately.

  “Don’t worry about me, sir. Save Master Dick!” Alfred demanded.

  “I’m fine. I’ll just do some of my gymnastics moves,” Dick said.

  Just then, a blast hit the Batwing’s tail, and the whole jet shook.

  “AHHHHHH! I’m falling,” said Dick, losing his grip.

  Batman secured a grappling hook to the Batwing and dove after Dick. “Gotcha!” he declared. He quickly fired a grappling hook toward Alfred. “Hold on. Almost there,” he said.

  But just as Batman was about to reach Alfred, the Batwing shuddered violently, and Alfred lost his grip.

  “Alfred!” Batman cried.

  Alfred pl
ummeted toward the ground.

  “Nooooooo!” Barbara Gordon cried. “Move over, rope!” She grabbed the Batwing’s controls and put the jet into a steep dive. She swooped down, catching Alfred and pulling Batman and Dick back into the cockpit.

  “Barbara, that was incredible,” Batman exclaimed. “The BatRope saved Alfred! Wow, those were some insane moves, BatRope!”

  “Actually, sir, Ms. Gordon saved him,” Computer said.

  “What? You mean … without you …” Batman stared at the police commissioner, finally putting it together.

  “Alfred would have been a goner,” Dick said.

  Batman considered this for a moment, but only a moment because another heat-seeking missile was hot on the Batwing’s tail.

  “Batman, we can do this,” Barbara said. “Trust us.”

  “All right, I’m starting to get the hang of this ‘team’ stuff,” Batman declared. “But we’re getting torn apart up here. So if we’re going to make it to Wayne Manor, I’m going to need help from all of you.”

  The team decided they wouldn’t be able to land as long as the zeppelin was launching missiles. They needed to stop Two-Face before he blew up all of Gotham City.

  Each member of the team had a task. Alfred, who’d been a tail gunner in the Royal Air Force, got in the turret to cover them from the rear. Dick, with his acrobatic skills, was in charge of knocking any incoming drones off the wings. Barbara, the crack pilot, was flying. And Batman directed.

  “Barbara, here’s what I need you to do,” Batman said. “Fly us straight at that zeppelin.”

  “WHAT?”

  “Didn’t you say ‘trust me’ like ten seconds ago?” Batman reminded her.

  “Okay. Let’s do this,” answered Barbara, pulling her flight goggles into place.

  “Woo! We’re really doing this!” yelled Dick.

  The Batwing swooped underneath bridges and over houses, zooming toward the Bat Zeppelin.

  “You got bad guys coming up on your three,” said Batman, acting as Barbara’s eyes and ears. “There’s a Batcopter at six o’clock.”

  “I don’t see him!” Barbara yelled. But Alfred, stationed at the back, did. He knocked the Batcopter from the sky with one shot.

  “The Bat Kayak is directly below us, taking aim with a giant bazooka,” Batman noted. “But keep heading toward the zeppelin.”

  Barbara stayed on target, even though she didn’t understand the plan.

  Inside Wayne Manor, the Joker was watching on a screen, and he didn’t like what he was seeing. “Finish them off!” he screeched. “Bat Kayak,” he said over the radio, “I want you to blast them out of the sky.”

  By this time, Dick had wriggled out onto the wing and was attempting to dislodge drones.

  “More drones on two o’clock,” Batman advised Dick, yelling over the manic whirl of wind.

  “Great job, team,” Batman told his crew. “It’s like looking in three mirrors.” It was a rare compliment from the Caped Crusader. “Barbara, wait for my signal.”

  “Waiting on that signal,” Barbara said, flying full throttle toward the zeppelin. She was feeling anxious.

  “Don’t worry. It’s coming! Keep going! Keep going!” Batman insisted, checking the distance to the zeppelin and the aim of the Bat Kayak from below.

  “Batman!” Barbara yelled. The Batwing was practically on top of the zeppelin now.

  The Joker, watching on screen, called for the launch of the Bat Kayak bazooka. “Fire!” yelled the Joker.

  “Now, Barbara! Dive-bomb!” yelled Batman.

  Everything happened at once. Barbara cut the controls so the Batwing dropped into a dive. The Bat Kayak bazooka zoomed through the sky, heading for a target that was no longer there. Instead of hitting the Batwing, the bazooka slammed into the zeppelin with a mighty explosion.

  “Joker!” said the Riddler. “You blew up the zeppelin!”

  “Hey, back off, man,” the Joker said. “I’m going through a lot here.”

  On the ground, the smoke lifted, revealing the wreckage of the Batwing. It had crash-landed on Wayne Island. The nosedive had been too deep and too fast to pull out of, but somehow everyone had survived.

  “Woo! We did it!” Dick exclaimed.

  “We did it, all right,” Alfred added.

  “Well done, everyone,” Barbara congratulated them all.

  “That was incredible! I feel so jazzed,” said Batman.

  “I say ‘jazzed’!” Dick said.

  “We were really firing on all cylinders there, huh?” said Batman.

  “Nailed it!” cried Barbara.

  “That was amazing,” said Batman.

  “I can’t believe that worked!” Barbara said. “I gotta give it to you, Batman. That was awesome.”

  “And YOU were awesome!” Batman told Dick, Alfred, and Barbara. “And I was amazing. I’m not trying to make it about myself, obviously; I just want to make sure everyone gets a pat on the back … because it feels good!”

  “It does feel good!” said Dick.

  “We had all these great ideas together. You had a good idea, and you had a good idea, and you had a good idea, and I had a good idea. You know what?” Batman pulled out his Good Idea Counter. “I think that collectively, I’m going to add—one.”

  The counter now stood at:

  BATMAN: 5,678,483

  EVERYONE ELSE: 1

  “No way!” said Dick. “Let’s all take a photo. All right, everyone, squeeze together.” He pulled out the smartphone Batman had given him earlier.

  “All right!” said Barbara.

  “Splendid,” said Alfred.

  “I want to hold on to this moment forever, and commemorate it as the time we almost lost,” said Dick.

  “That’s a great idea,” Batman commented. “Commemorate.”

  Dick gathered everyone together and held his arm out as far as it would go. As they all smiled, Dick instructed, “Say family!”

  “Family!” Alfred and Barbara and Batman chanted.

  Dick snapped the shot and pulled in the phone to look at the group selfie. “Wow,” he said. “My first family photo. Dad, didn’t it turn out great!”

  Dick handed Batman the phone, and then ran ahead with Barbara. “And now on to the next part of our dangerous mission! Bonds will be tested, alliances will be broken and reborn like a phoenix out of the fire …”

  Batman took a long look at the family selfie. Then he swiped through some of the other pictures Dick had taken during their adventures. Batman smiled. The kid had captured some really epic moments.

  Then he swiped to a picture of a picture—the one of him and his parents that hung in the Wayne Family gallery, the one that he sometimes talked to when he was lonely.

  Alfred’s words echoed in his head: Your greatest fear is being part of a family again.

  “We might find some hidden treasure!” Dick exclaimed, interrupting Batman’s reverie.

  “Dick, I don’t think there’s any hidden treasure at Wayne Manor,” Barbara said kindly.

  Dick turned and ran back to Batman, his arms extended. Batman stopped him by holding on to his head. “Whoa. What are you doing?” he asked the kid.

  “I’m trying to give you a big old hug,” Dick replied.

  “This is nice,” said Barbara, smiling.

  “I am so proud of you, sir,” said Alfred.

  “Okay, just back off a second,” Batman said, trying to clear his head. “Give me a little space, guys, all right? It’s just that this mission to infiltrate Joker Manor is going to be filled with all sorts of deadly foes …”

  “We got this,” said Barbara.

  “… and probably a bunch of clown-themed booby traps,” Batman went on.

  “Cool!” said Dick.

  “So salvage what you can of the Batwing, and maybe root around and see if you can find us a couple of mineral waters, okay?” He paused and swallowed. “Then we’ll head out.”

  “Yes, you got it, Dad Two,” said Dick. He ran toward t
he Batwing. Alfred and Barbara followed him.

  “I think I’ll need snowshoes,” Dick said as he began looking through the Batwing’s glove compartment.

  “I don’t think you’ll need snowshoes, but can you grab me that flashlight?” Barbara replied.

  Batman watched as they all piled diligently into the cockpit. Then he stepped forward and closed the cockpit dome … locking Alfred, Barbara, and Dick inside!

  “Batman!” Barbara called.

  “Sir!” Alfred called.

  “Dad!” Dick called.

  “What are you doing?” Barbara cried, banging on the shatterproof dome. “Hey, Batman! Please … wait!”

  Batman glanced at the three people in the cockpit. Then he turned away.

  “Computer!” he called.

  “Yes, sir?” replied Computer.

  “I’m locking in some coordinates,” Batman said. “Take the Batwing to the ice-cream shop on the border between Gotham City and Blüdhaven.”

  “No!!” cried Alfred, Barbara, and Dick.

  “I want you to get these guys a couple of milk shakes and then keep them there till this whole thing blows over, okay?” Batman went on.

  “Dad!” cried Dick.

  “GO!”

  “Batman, no!” cried Barbara.

  “Go! Go!” Batman said.

  “Batman, please, listen to me!” said Barbara. “Don’t do this! You’re doing the wrong thing!”

  Batman closed his eyes and walked away from the team. Then he released a smoke bomb and disappeared.

  Batman strode toward Wayne Manor. He straightened up, trying to figure out why he felt so bad. Shake it off, he told himself. You’re Batman.

  Fortunately, it was easy to sneak into Wayne Manor, which had become Joker Manor. All the rich, polished wood had been replaced with colored plastic and bright, fluorescent lights. It wasn’t long before he found a clown-themed booby trap.

  Batman watched warily as empty roller-coaster cars rolled past. Smiling faces had been painted on the car doors. Where the roller-coaster track disappeared around a bend, there was a large, blinking neon sign. “Tunnel of Villainy,” Batman read out loud. “Hilarious.” He shook his head.

  “You’re going down, clown,” he said. “Okay, let’s get the projector and end this thing. Everybody ready?” Batman turned his head to check with his team, who wasn’t there.