The LEGO Batman Movie Junior Novel Page 9

  “What is the matter with me?!” he asked, slapping his own face. “Snap out of it, Bats! You’re on your own, just like you’re supposed to be.”

  Meanwhile, the Batwing was speeding toward the border between Gotham City and Blüdhaven. Barbara was pleading with Computer. “Please, Computer, you have to take us back,” she said.

  “I’m sorry,” Computer replied. “I cannot override my system protocol.”

  “But, Computer, Batman’s in danger,” Barbara pointed out. “Aren’t you programmed with Isaac Asimov’s Three Laws of Robotics?”

  “Yes.”

  “What are they?” Barbara asked.

  “Something about obeying people and not hurting them,” said Computer. “And also, I should protect myself if I can. Seems like we’re currently ticking all those boxes.”

  “Computer, Batman is not the same Batman he was. Can you please check in on him?” Alfred asked.

  “All right,” Computer agreed. “Accessing Batsuit diagnostics.”

  Back at Wayne Manor, Batman was using his grappling hook to rappel his way up to an open window. He slipped in the window and strode down the halls of his own home. It no longer resembled the place he knew and loved.

  “Oh, hellooo, Batman …” came a familiar, unfriendly voice over the loudspeaker. “Gee, what happened to your friends?”

  Batman whirled around, trying to figure out where the voice was coming from. He looked over his shoulder and saw the Joker standing there with his huge, unnatural grin.

  “My friends?” Batman questioned. “The only friends I have are right here!” He held up his fists, boxing style. “Allow me to introduce you!” he barked, lunging forward.

  But his fist didn’t hit the Joker; it hit a funhouse mirror. “What?”

  “Ha ha!” laughed the Joker. The shrill sound echoed through the tunnel. “That wasn’t me. That was a man in the mirror! Woo-hoo! Ha ha ha. Look in the mirror, Batman,” the Joker chided.

  But what was staring at Batman was the Joker’s reflection. Batman turned around and saw the Joker in every direction. He punched one. SMASH. And another. SMASH. He felt his rage rise as he tried to defeat the grinning villain. SMASH, SMASH, SMASH.

  “Do you get the joke yet, Batman?” the Joker asked. “Everywhere you go, there I am!” The Joker cackled with glee. “I’ve always been right there with you.”

  Back in the Batwing, Computer was growing concerned. “Warning: Batman is not operating at mission optimum.”

  “See, Computer? He needs us!” Dick cried. “Please, take us back.”

  “But I must obey Batman’s commands,” Computer objected.

  “No, by obeying him, you are allowing him to come to harm,” Barbara argued. “Do you really want the man who made you to come to harm?”

  The Batwing stopped. “You have just managed to fry my logic circuits and melt my heart,” Computer announced. “System protocol—override. Let’s go get him!”

  With that, the Batwing turned around and headed back to Wayne Manor.

  “Thanks, Computer!” Barbara said.

  And just in the nick of time, too, because Batman was in trouble.

  “Joker, I’m going to take that projector and send you back where you belong. And this time, I’m sending all your Rogue buddies with you.”

  “Sure, Batman,” the Joker said sweetly. “You can have the projector. Just as soon as you tell me what I want to hear.”

  “What’s that?” asked Batman wearily.

  “Say that I’m your greatest enemy,” the Joker replied. “That we belong together. That I mean something to you.”

  “Hold on … you mean all you want … is for me to say that you mean something to me?” Batman said incredulously. “Then you’ll give me the Phantom Zone Projector?”

  “Yes!” said the Joker impatiently. “I thought I’d been crystal clear on that point!”

  “Okay, sure, whatever,” Batman said. “Joker-you-mean-something-to-me,” he mumbled.

  “I’m sorry, what was that? I couldn’t hear what you said,” the Joker replied, cocking his ear.

  “I said: Joker-you-mean-something-to-me,” Batman repeated.

  “You said it too fast. Speak clearly,” the Joker said.

  “Ugh!” Batman said in exasperation. “Joker … you … mean … something … to … me …”

  “Insincere!” the Joker cried. “Once more, with feeling.”

  “Look, I’m not an actor, all right? Just give me back the projector!” Batman said.

  “Say it, Batman!” the Joker hollered.

  “Look, I don’t know what you want from me,” said Batman. As he spoke, he Bataranged the image in front of him.

  The mirror shattered. Behind it was a small battalion of drones, which reminded Batman of how Dick had defended the team so diligently. He remembered the great feeling he’d had working with Barbara and Alfred.

  But the Joker’s taunts soon brought him back to the Tunnel of Villainy.

  Batman watched as the Joker’s reflection bent over and reached down. When the villain stood back up, he was holding the Phantom Zone Projector.

  “Unbelievable, Batman. You must really want to be alone. You abandoned your team, you blew off your friends, and you won’t even say one thing to acknowledge the role I played in your life. I’ve had it. If you want to be alone so bad, I know a place where you can be alone forever.”

  The Joker hoisted the Phantom Zone Projector on his shoulder and took aim.

  In a flash, Batman realized something. He didn’t want to be alone.

  Batman didn’t even know if he could defeat the Joker on his own. He did, however, know just the people who could help him do it.

  Before the Joker could make a move, Batman sprang into action. He spun around like a tornado, drop-kicking one drone after another. He booted them at the remaining mirrors. Then he turned and fled, leaving the Joker alone in the Tunnel of Villainy.

  Batman headed right back in the direction he had come from—back to his team.

  Meanwhile, the Batwing had landed outside Wayne Manor.

  “Come on, everyone,” Barbara urged Alfred and Dick. “We need to help Batman before he tries to do it all by himself.”

  But before Alfred, Barbara, and Dick could figure out the best way to infiltrate Wayne Manor, they were swarmed by Rogues.

  “Oh dear … ,” said Alfred.

  By the time Batman emerged from Wayne Manor, things were not as he had left them. The Batwing was there, but his friends were not.

  “Where’s Dick?” Batman asked. “Where are Alfred and Barbara?” The cockpit of the Batwing was empty. He stood next to the burning debris and rubbed his forehead.

  “Computer,” he said, lifting the comm link close to his mouth. “Show me the orphan I adopted.”

  “Yes, sir,” Computer’s voice came over the hand wrist device, and soon a holographic image of Dick appeared. The scene made Batman wince. The Rogues had captured Dick, and he was tied up. They appeared to be unloading him from a vehicle outside the Gotham City Energy Plant.

  “That’s no good,” Batman murmured. “Now show me Barbara Gordon.”

  The hologram switched to an image of the new commissioner. She was back in her police clothes, chasing a band of Rogues.

  “That’s no good, either,” Batman said. “She’ll never defeat them that way. And she looked way better in her Batman merch outfit. What about Alfred?”

  Batman was almost afraid to see what trouble his trusty butler had gotten into. But when the hologram flashed to a third projection, the old man appeared to be back inside Wayne Manor. Alfred had a sponge in his hand and was cleaning up the epic mess the Joker and his Rogues had left behind in the kitchen.

  Batman considered his options. Maybe he should he let Alfred finish in the kitchen? It pained him to see what the Rogues had done to his sanctuary.

  But Batman quickly came to his senses. He needed Alfred. He sent him a message to meet up by the entrance to the Batcave.


  As dependable as always, Alfred showed up within moments. “You wanted me, sir?” the butler asked.

  “How did you get out of the cockpit?” Batman asked.

  “Ms. Gordon convinced Computer to turn the Batwing around,” Alfred said. “She can be quite persuasive.”

  Batman shook his head. That new commissioner had a lot going for her.

  “As soon as we were out, Master Dick insisted on fighting the Rogues on his own,” Alfred explained. “His exact words were, ‘my dad fights alone, and so do I!’”

  “That’s ridiculous,” Batman said. He took a deep breath. “Alfred, we have to rescue Dick, and we need to save Gotham City. And we’ll need Commissioner Gordon’s help.”

  “You think she will help you?” Alfred asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “We need to work together,” Batman insisted. “Like when she flew the plane and you shot the bad guys and Dick swatted the drones and I told everyone what to do. We need to work like that. It’s the only way.”

  Alfred nodded. “Like a team,” he said.

  “Yeah,” Batman agreed. “Like that.”

  Moments later, they were MasterBuilding a Batcopter. Once they’d lifted off, they went into hot pursuit … of Commissioner Barbara Gordon.

  “There she is, sir,” Alfred announced, pointing at a grassy patch in the center of the city. “It looks like she’s nearly cornered a Rogue.”

  “We cornered her first,” Batman insisted, touching down—and allowing the Rogue to scamper off down a secluded street. “Hey, Barbara!” he called as he jumped out of the Batcopter.

  “Seriously?” Barbara was annoyed. She looked Batman in the eye. “I almost had that guy!”

  “That was just one Rogue. We can catch a lot more a lot faster, if we work together,” Batman tried to explain.

  “I don’t believe this,” the commissioner muttered.

  “Wait, wait, okay, don’t … ,” Batman stammered. He knew it was his fault that Dick had taken off again. He knew it was his fault that the new commissioner was angry, and that she didn’t believe he was willing to work like a team. “Barbara, please. Don’t leave.”

  Barbara turned back to look at him. “Why?”

  “Because there’s something I need to say to you.”

  “Go ahead,” Barbara said, but she refused to look him in the eye.

  Click.

  “Click? Click doesn’t mean anything, Batman,” Barbara snapped.

  “Sorry, you’ve got to turn around,” Batman explained.

  Barbara turned around to see the Bat-Signal blazing in the sky over Wayne Manor. But it wasn’t the classic, old-fashioned Bat-Signal. This one was new and improved. It was wearing a red wig and bright pink lipstick.

  “I call it the ‘Babs-Signal,’” Batman explained. “And I’m flipping the switch … for you. Because I need your help, Barbara. We need to save Dick and round up the Joker and his Rogues, and I can’t do it alone. Do you think you can find any room in your Utility Belt for a narcissistic, self-centered, egotistical crybaby?”

  Batman paused for a moment. “What do you say, Commissioner? Will you work with me?” He extended his hand hopefully.

  Barbara held out for a while, and then she finally gave in and shook Batman’s hand. “I thought you’d never ask,” she said.

  “Okay!” said Batman. “Team Gotham City Family is ready. Right, guys?”

  “Right!” Alfred and Barbara cheered.

  Ten minutes later, Alfred and Barbara had suited up in their deluxe Batman-themed gear again. The new team began to devise a plan.

  As soon as the new, improved Bat-Signal started blazing in the sky, local police officers had started to gather.

  “All right, team,” Barbara announced. “I’m going to need to know everyone’s abilities. And Batman, our team could really use some sweet Bat-gadgets.”

  “Absolutely,” Batman answered, scanning the group of Gotham City’s finest police officers. “I’m totally willing to share my stuff. This one time. But listen, if we’re going to do that, Batman’s going to have to let you in on a little secret. Are you ready?”

  “Okay,” Barbara answered warily.

  “All my weapons and tech are under Wayne Manor,” he said. “Because I’m Bruce Wayne …”

  Everyone in the crowd gasped.

  “… ’s roommate,” Batman finished. “I’m Bruce Wayne’s roommate.”

  “Ohhhh,” was the collective response.

  “Oh, roommates,” said one police officer. “That makes sense.”

  “As a single guy, it’s a way to save money,” agreed a motorcycle cop as he put on his helmet.

  “Okay, well,” Barbara said. “To the Batcave!”

  “All right, guys, take whatever you need!” Batman instructed as they hurried into the Batcave. Then he took a good look around.

  After the Joker and Batman’s showdown in the Tunnel of Villainy, the Joker and his Rogues had cleared out of Wayne Manor, leaving much of Batman’s stash of gear and weapons in a huge pile of rubble. There were bricks scattered everywhere.

  “Uh, okay, no problem,” Batman said. “I’ve been meaning to upgrade my fleet anyway. Everyone, grab some bricks! We’re gonna make some new and improved Bat-vehicles!”

  The police scattered and began building. Some ran to the vehicle bay, while others dove into the gadget cabinets. Everyone began building together.

  “Oh yeah! Now, that’s what I’m talking about!” Barbara said when Batman wheeled out trunks full of extra bricks. The entire crew got to work, enhancing the fleet of Bat-vehicles. Batman and his team didn’t stop until each and every one had enlarged cockpits with ample seating. Now, they were all multihero vehicles!

  The end result was beautiful. It was teamwork at its best.

  “Yeah? Well, it gets better,” Batman assured Barbara. “Wait for it!” He began to MasterBuild a Batwing just for the new commissioner.

  “Whoo! That is amazing.” Barbara’s words were full of admiration, and Batman felt a sense of pride—a pride that wasn’t confident or cocky. It was something that wasn’t just about him. It was something good.

  Everyone piled into the new rides. Batman and Alfred settled into the Batmobile. Batman fired up the engine.

  “Atomic batteries to power. Turbines to speed,” said Computer.

  “Okay! We have a bunch of Rogues to fight!” Barbara reminded the team. “So, if we’re going to save the city, we need to combine our powers, look out for one another, and prove that teamwork makes the dream work. Are you guys ready?”

  The troops were rallied! Everyone cheered.

  “Let’s do thi—”

  But Batman interrupted her. “Wait-wait-wait! Hold on, one sec—” He jumped out of his vehicle and ran from car to car to train to boat to dune buggy. “Everybody, seat belts! Seat belt, seat belt, seat belt, seat belt, and … seat belt.” He strapped in every last member of the Batman Team, and then hopped back in the Batmobile.

  “Sir, your seat belt,” reminded Alfred.

  “Thanks, Alfred. Good to go!”

  “Now let’s do this!” Barbara cried.

  The Gotham City Energy Plant was all lit up. It seemed to shine in the darkness of night.

  Inside, the Rogues were feeling particularly proud of themselves. “Hahahahahahahaha,” they laughed, giddy with their own badness.

  “Sssshhhh. Quiet,” Harley Quinn said. “What’s that?”

  A deep rumble seemed to be rising up from the ground.

  “I think it’s one of those traveling rave parties,” Mr. Freeze said. He was fully recovered from his earlier battle with Batman and friends.

  “Or it’s an anthem for a team of scrappy underdogs,” suggested Kite Man.

  “It’s a team of scrappy underdogs!” Man-Bat screeched. “Destroy them!”

  Rolling toward the plant, Batman’s team was prepared for battle. The Bat-vehicles lined up, ready to take their best shot.

  “Team Gotham City Family, activate!!!” Barbar
a yelled out. With all the vehicles aimed at the main power plant door, they delivered a massive blow.

  “Sick work, Babs!” Batman said, assessing the damage with his night goggles. “We’re almost in.”

  “Incoming!” someone called, and there was a mighty explosion on the heroes’ side of the line.

  “That was close! Everyone okay?” Barbara checked.

  “Yeah!” responded the team.

  “Great,” Barbara said. It was time to come up with a proper plan. “The Joker will have the projector,” she began. “So let’s split up. My team will go after him. Your team should go find Dick,” she said to Batman. “And Alfred will go after the rest of the Rogues.”

  “Ten-four, Commissioner Gordon,” replied Batman.

  The team cheered as they got ready to storm the plant.

  “Okay, Alfred. Bring the pain!” directed Batman as Alfred punched keys on a control panel.

  Alfred saluted as he commanded Computer to fire a final blast into the plant compound.

  Alfred plowed straight ahead down the web of hallways and didn’t stop until he had crashed the Batmobile into the core room, clearing the way for the rest of the Batman Team.

  As soon as they reached the core room, Batman spotted Dick. The boy was tied up, hanging high in the air. Directly under him was a vat of lava with a mechanical shark swimming inside. And on the other side was the energy core. Piled on the core were countless explosives, big and small. They formed a giant pyramid, and they were all wired to one timer, which was quickly ticking down. It was very messy and extremely complicated.

  The shark was nibbling at Dick’s toes. “Get away from me, mean fish!” Dick cried.

  “Get your jaws away from him, you big, bad shark!” Batman cried.

  Dick pulled the can of Bat Shark Repellent out of his costume. “Dad, can we use this?”

  Before Batman could answer, he’d sprayed the shark in the face. “It worked!”

  That’s when the Joker appeared from behind the pyramid. He looked especially happy to see Batman. After all, the Joker was on the brink of destroying everything that Batman held dear. Plus, he held the Phantom Zone Projector, so he had added ammunition.